Life in the romance department has been non-exsistant lately. Which makes me feel like my life is empty, after being in a long term relationship for so long.
There's been a lot of engagements lately from co-workers to knitbloggers. I really want to get excited and happy for these couples, but I just find myself getting sad.
Being alone is really hard. I really thought that things would have turned out different for Terence and me. Two years ago today was my first date with him. We went to Dim Sum (my first time!) and he was over a half hour late. I get these sudden overwhelming and opressive feelings of missing him. We're trying to be friends, but it's just so hard, because I'm just not over it. Part of me still loves him. But my brain is like WTF!? I deserve so much better than what he could give me. He finally gave me a copy of all the pictures that we had during the relationship. Pictures of our trip to San Francisco and LA, our trip to Japan and Hong Kong, our trip to Vancouver. I have some good memories of the relationship, but looking at those pictures makes me deeply sad.
I figured I'd be in a different place at this point in my life. I never thought I'd have to be re-learning how to be me. I was so used to be thinking in the context of "we."
I'm so thankful to have my Mom so close, she's given me so much support though this difficult time. I'm also thankful for my friends Abi (NW Knitter) and Dave. Both have been very supportive, and have given me a shoulder to cry on. Without Terence, I never would have met those two! They are both friends of his from college.
I need to start putting myself out there. I'm very good at sitting back in the background and avoiding getting hurt.
So in celebration of having no boyfriend, I spent some money on Sweet Georgia's yarn. I happened to stop by her yarn website at midnight last night and found that it was live. I think I was one of the first to get a chance to buy her yarns. :) I can't wait until it gets here, and I can show you all the goodies.