Thursday, July 06, 2006

A Knitter's Love

They say you can tell a knitter's love in the way they clothe their loved ones. I've been doing a lot of thinking about that in the past couple of days.

For example, this:

The Professor Vest, became this:

And this: (sorry for the blurry picture!)

Became this:

I'm designing a sweater for my Mother.

It will be in Classic Elite Premiere, in this lovely green (lighter than this bottom picture). I'm hoping to knit it in the round, and have a lovely pattern of eyelets around the hem of the sweater and the bottom of the slightly-above-elbow sleeves.

Why am I passionate about knitting my Mom this sweater as fast as I can? Because my father, her husband (of 33 years) asked her for a divorce on the 4th of July. He's gotten back into contact with his high school sweetheart, and has fallen in love with her. He's willing to give up his life as he knows it, and any type of healthy relationship with his children for her. He even lied to us about a trip to Las Vegas so they could meet up about 3 weeks ago. My mother is angry, and sad, and hurt. Frankly, I can't find any decent word to describe the complex emotions she's feeling now. I've spent the last two days with her giving her love and support. She's my Mom, and there's no fucking way I'm going to let anything bad happen to her. She's probably going to be leaving the Seattle area when this is all over with. So, the reason I moved out to Seattle will go with her. (I moved out here to be closer to my family.) I've developed roots here, though. I've made friends, have a good job. I don't want to leave. But I don't want to be here, especially if that woman comes out here to be with my father. I'm trying to be my Mom's rock, her safety net. It's hard, so hard. But there is no fucking way I'm going to let her fall.

So, in order for her to know how much I love her, I'm designing her a sweater that she can wear for when I can't be there to put my arms around her, to give her a big warm hug. I'm calling it the Mom Hug Sweater. I really don't know what the hell I'm doing, but it can't be any harder than keeping some of my sicker patients alive. At least I can rip it out if I mess up.

Thankfully, I've had a few friends extend support. Abi and Cat have been really nice to me. And Terence has been really great. I know I'm really going to need their help when this is all over. I'm sure I'll be a mess.

But I'll have my knitting. And my Mom will have another handmade sweater to remind her how much I love her. And that bastard won't ever get a handknitted garment from me.

Now, what to do with that gorgeous dark heathery green yarn. I think it wants to be something cabled.


Karen said...

Oh, sweetie, that's such a nice project for your mom. My parents have been divorced since I was 6 (I'm now 28) and I remember all the crap that a 6-year-old could have been aware of. I know you live in North Seattle and I live in South Seattle, but please accept this (((hug))) and give out a holler on the blog if you need someone.

knittingnurse said...

Isn't it amazing how you thought things were so bad and that you had to come to Seattle to find the support of your family and here you are now, right where you need to be when your Mom needs you (sorry for the run on sentence)?

Anyhow, like I've always said, things always happen for reasons beyond our understanding at the time. I'm so glad that you are out there for your Mom. I can't even begin to fathom what she must be feeling right now. I can't even begin to understand what YOU are feeling right now.

Remember to take time to grieve for yourself as well. He is your father and although not on as daily a basis as for your mom, this is going to hit YOU as well.

Let us know what we can do. Remember that you can always email me and vent all you need to, kay?

Hugs and kisses to both you and your Mom. I'll pray for you all (well, maybe not for him, huh?)


knittingnurse said...

Oooh, the green yarn should turn into a nice aran style sweater for you (or maybe Terrence????)

;-) (-:

Mote said...

I'm so sorry. I completely understand your anger - I've been through that kind of betrayal by a parent before, and it's the most heartrending thing in the world. I'm glad you're finding ways to express your grief and your love for your mom, and I'm sending supportive thoughts your way.

Erica said...

That's awful. It's's awful, and a betrayal of your mother and your family and you, and I am so terribly, terribly sorry. The Mom Hug project sounds wonderful, and it will mean the world to her, I'm sure. Hang in there.

CarryFairie said...

Damn, that SUCKS! Why are relationships so easily tossed away for some people??

But you are a fantastic daughter! I'm sure your mother will love and treasure the sweater forever...